live

Going to try to make today’s post a little more positive, though posts like this will probably be few and far between.  I’m not a cynical person per se, but let’s face it – the world is going to shit.  There are a lot more things to be angry about than not.  That’s why I’m going to take a page out of Kid President’s book and give you a kickass pep talk.

I know there's something that you've always wanted to do but you're too chickenshit to take the first step. If I had a penny for every time I've heard “I wish I had learned to play piano” or “you know, I’d love to take a dance class”...it wouldn't do me much good since the penny is soon to be obsolete... But what’s stopping you from doing those things? I know, I know.  You just don’t have the time. Well, how about not spending every night watching Netflix? God forbid your shows go without watching for one night. What's your next excuse? You just can't afford it. Well, if you stop using up all your bandwidth watching Netflix, your internet bill won’t cost so much, stupid. There, two birds with one stone.

Look, there are a million reasons not to do something, and if you’re going to let those reasons weigh you down then, fine. But stop complaining to me about how you wish you could learn to sing or how you’ve always wanted to take a cooking class but never did. I always used to complain about how badly I wanted to take singing lessons but I was too shy to sing in front of anybody. A few months ago I decided to suck it up and it has been the best decision I've ever made – aside from purchasing the deluxe DVD edition of Beauty and the Beast.  Also, my biggest aspiration in life is to become a writer and for so long I thought I didn’t have what it takes so I didn’t even try. Well, you gotta start somewhere, hence the conception of this blog (much to your chagrin). So, I’ve crossed TWO things off my bucket list, and you have yet to cross off one. WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE?  Seriously, it’s so easy. You just have to STOP with the bullshit excuses.

Stop being so lazy, get off your arse, and make your life worth living. When you’re on your deathbed, are you going to feel like you’ve lived a full life when all you’ve accomplished is watching the entire Saved by the Bell box set? Not likely, stupid.

dirty ain't sexy

So, I was waiting for the doctor this morning and as I scanned the waiting room ready to partake in my daily routine of judging complete strangers, I noticed two girls who were chillin' in their sweatpants, which were tucked into over sized skate shoes (lame), with mascara smudged across their eyes, and what I can only describe as "sex hair."  Gentlemen, please weigh in on this. Is this sexy? because I can stop bathing if this is what gets your juices flowing. 

I realize some of you have the “if you don’t like it, don’t look at me” mentality, but at a certain point there’s a line being crossed. I’m confident that you wouldn’t like to see my ass cheeks peeking out over my jeans and I don’t want to see yours either. 

So ladies, listen up: if you have a hole in your tights, BUY NEW TIGHTS, they cost $7.  If you don’t have enough time to brush your hair, stay home.  On a side note, there’s something to be said for being low maintenance – if you’re going to use an entire palette of eye shadow in one go, you stay the frig home too.

If you’re someone who doesn’t give a shit about what others think then more power to ya, but if I ever hear you complaining about what somebody else is wearing, I will dropkick you.

newf and proud

Welcome to the biggest time waster on the interwebs.  I don’t even know why you’re here.  Not that I think you care, but I’m going to briefly introduce myself. I’m a 22-year-old, socially awkward mug enthusiast. Avid gamer, amateur songstress, lover of John Cusack.  I’m currently in a monotonous, slightly demeaning administrative job, making more money than I deserve.  I live in Newfoundland and am damn proud of it. 

I’ve kept up with a few friends’ Facebook pages, blogs, vlogs, etc. after they moved away, and there seems to be a common factor that pops up in a lot of their posts:  they are ashamed of where they come from.

Listen, be proud of where you come from.  Don’t be too chicken to stand up and say the fact that you’re from our little green province fills you with pride.  Because, as you know if you’re from here, we have enough trouble with the rest of the world thinking we live in igloos and the only thing we eat is fish.  If you have half a brain, you also know that agreeing with whatever self-righteous butthole that is dissing your hometown makes you look like you have no ballsack.   

I’m sorry, but Newfoundland kicks ass.  Lots of greenery, deadly ol’ dialect, and an awesome LBGT community.

Moral of the story – stop being a wimp and be proud of your Newfie heritage.