It’s been a while
I’m gonna
write about what happened to me recently, just so you can get an idea of
exactly how socially
awkward I am.
At
work a couple of weeks ago, some of the lab techs were giving a presentation in
one of the classrooms. Attending the presentation was optional; however, it
looks bad if you don’t show up to these things.
I had every intention of going, unfortunately, I forgot about it until ten minutes
after it had started. I debated whether I should go and figured I’d look like
an asshole if I didn’t show up (even if I
was late).
LUCKILY,
they hadn’t started yet. HOWEVER, everyone
was already seated and settled in. If
you know me at all, you know I’m not really one for being the center of
attention, therefore, when I got in there and saw that everyone had already
taken their seat, I immediately bypassed the coffee/cake trolley at the front
of the room so as to avoid having all eyes on me while I awkwardly fumbled to put a cup of tea
together.
SO: I
picked up a big white jug that had “tea” scribbled on it in Sharpie (super
classy) and when I poured it into the shitty little cafeteria tea cup, there
was no tea – it was just water. No big deal, the tea bags must be
separate. I grabbed a sweetener and
started looking around the trolley for a pile of teabags. Except there weren’t any. And the
presentation was starting. I took my cup
of hot water and headed to the back of the
room because there was no one seated back there.
Trying
to be as inconspicuous as possible, I opened
my packet of sweetener and emptied it into my mug of hot water so that people
would be convinced I had tea. Yeah, I was
putting on a pretty good show. Anyway, a couple of minutes later, two more
people came in and sat right in front of me. Aw shit. If
they turn around to say hello or something, they’re going to see that there’s
nothing in my mug except water. Why was this a big deal? I have no idea. But it was. So… I drank the hot, sweaty, sweetener water. And it was disgusting.
This
kind of shit actually happens to me on a daily basis.
Too
bad Seinfeld is over. I probably could’ve sold the rights to this story to Larry
David. Tough
break.
