first world problems

First World Problems: problems from living in a wealthy, industrialized nation that 'third wordlers' would probably roll their eyes at (courtesy of urbandictionary.com)

It's growing meme and yeah, sometimes it's funny.  Like, "aw crap, I don't know which 20-carat diamond encrusted platinum ring to buy."

Some things that people complain about, though, that they deem as first world problems, really piss me off.  The following are ridiculous complaints that I've actually heard come out of someone's mouth. There are a lot so, strap in.

"My wallet is too fat and it won't fit in my pocket"

"My smart phone takes three too long to load Candy Crush"

"I can't fit any more food in my fridge"

"My free coffee doesn't taste very good"

"I asked for a medium cappuccino but they gave me a large, it's going to get cold before I can drink it all"

"The free WiFi in this place is so slow"

"My parents what to know what I want for Christmas but I can't think of what to ask for"

"I have too many gift cards and I don't know what to buy with them"

"I won a free case of Pepsi but I drink Coke"

"My dishwasher is broken so I have to wash my dishes by hand"

"I finished the TV show I was binge-watching; now I have nothing to do with my time"

"My iPod has too many gigs; there aren't any more songs I want to download"

"My boyfriend is too obsessed with me"

"I went to the doctor and I had to wait an hour" (for my free healthcare)

"I'm hungry, but I don't like any of the food in my house"

"I can't find my remote control and I don't want to get up to change the channel"

"I forgot to take a picture of my meal and post it to Instagram before I started eating"

"Netflix doesn't have commercials so now I don't know when to go use the bathroom"

"My power went out temporarily and my iPad wasn't charged"

"My family can't fit all of our cars in the driveway"

"I'm really thirsty, but I'm out of bottled water and I don't like tap water"

"Gas prices have dropped but I just filled up my tank yesterday"

"I have too many PS3 games so I can't decide what to play"

"I forgot to bring my phone to the bathroom; now I have nothing to do while I poop"

Just to add some perspective, here are some actual third world problems

22,000 children die each day in third world countries due to poverty

More than a billion people in third world countries do not have adequate access to clean drinking water

A quarter or more of the entire human population lives without electricity at all

More than half the population of all developing nations in the world depends on farming for survival

More than 800 million people have no access to health care

More than 870 million people in the entire third world population have no food to eat or a very precarious food supply

So, go ahead and complain to me about your phone battery dying.  And watch me punch you in the face.

bring back my goodies to me

Day three of my challenge.  It's been a struggle; self-discipline is not my thing.

These are 15 foods that should NEVER have been taken off the market.

 

1. Rainbow Bread

A lot of people don't remember this - I don't even remember it that well because I was so young when it was on the market, but I definitely remember that it was the coolest.  I definitely ate a lot of sandwiches in the 90s.

2. Vanilla Coke

You can still get Vanilla Coke in some places in Canada, but for us in Newfoundland, we have to wait until Freak Lunchbox orders in a palette or two every so often.  Then we have to decide if we want it bad enough to pay $24 a case...

3. Cappucino Gum

I may be a weirdo for having liked this.  I mean the point in chewing gum is to get rid of coffee breath.  But dayum did I love this gum.

4. 3D Doritos

I don't know what it was about these, but everyone loved them.  Popping one of these hollow friggers into your mouth was the most satisfying thing ever.  Somehow the 3D version of these chips tasted better than the 2D versions of the same flavour.

 

5. Flinstones Push Up Pops

They were like push pops made of sherbet! The wrapper was so flimsy and the ice cream would melt all over you.  But, they were sherbet push pops!

 6. Crispy M&Ms 

Why did they even take these off the market?  They were DELICIOUS!  They have M&Ms with peanut butter and jelly in the middle but they discontinued the ones with wafer centres?!

7. Snapple Element drinks

I felt so cool holding one of these. I mean, check out the names of the flavors:  earth, sun, fire - so cool, right?!  They were so huge!  And so fruity.  And refreshing.

8. Orbitz

Honestly, these beverages were pretty gross.  The flavours weren't very good, and I always felt like I was drinking boogers.  But damn if they weren't the coolest looking drinks.

9. Spice Girls Gum

They came with Spice Girls tattoos!  And they were only 25¢ each.  And while we're at it, Spice Girls lollipops also kicked ass.  They had the Spice Girls' faces on them!

10. Bubble Beeper

My very first cellular device.  And it was delicious.

11. McDonald's Pizza

This stuff kicked ass.  They discontinued it because it took 11 minutes to make and customers complained too much about the long wait times.  Bitches ruined it for everyone.

12. Sprite Remix

It was like minty sprite, but it was cool.  Remixes are cool.

13. Kool Aid Bursts

These wax bottles only held two or three mouthfuls of juice, but the fun came with biting the tops off!

14. Clear Gatorade/Powerade

They just looked so cool.  It was like "man, you drinking water from a gatorade bottle?"  Then you'd be all "nah shawty, it's fierce grape."

15. Coca Cola Blāk

In theory, coffee-flavoured coke is gross.  And, in reality it was kinda gross.  Except, I really loved it.  But, I also loved cappucino gum so...

good mentor; bad advisor

As a child, we think adults know everything, so we take their every word as gospel.  Unfortunately as we grow older, we learn some of the advice that was given to us as children actually ended up working against us.

These are the five worst pieces of advice I received as a child.

1. If a boy picks on you, he likes you 

This most likely is actually true for kids who are in Kindergarten, but if a boy picks on you in grade school, he's just being an asshole.  Regardless, adults love to feed this line to kids who are getting bullied.  Even in grade six, when I'd come home to my aunt who used to take care of me after school, I'd recount the shitty things my classmates had said to me that day, and she'd reassure me with, "that boy's just sweet on you but he's too shy to tell you."  Listen, if somebody tells you they'd rather eat horseshit than go out with you, it doesn't mean they have a secret crush on you; trust me.

2. Be yourself 

I know parents give us this advice with good intentions, but I think it can sometimes work to kids' disadvantage.  Of course, it's super important to teach kids to love themselves and not to hold themselves to someone else's standards and to focus on what makes them unique and all that good stuff.    But, kids can be cruel; especially to those who are different.  Important note: do not go to school with your entire head of hair crimped when your hair is already incredibly thick to begin with.  And it's 2001.  It'll be a tough one to live down.

3. You can do anything you set your mind to 

This is another piece of advice that parents and teachers give us as children and, while their hearts are in the right place, I think it sends false hope and doesn't teach kids how to deal with failure.  What we should be teaching kids is that they should work hard to obtain each and every one of their goals, but that it's okay if they don't succeed every single time.

4. Ignore a bully and he'll go away 

First of all, this is much easier said than done.  For me, my friends were actually the ones doing most of the bullying - you know what girls are like.  I had a small group of friends who would collectively decide to turn on me about once a week simply because they were bored.  In the case of more traditional bullies, the majority of them will not stop picking on you simply because you make an attempt at ignoring them - kids are relentless. Kids should be taught how to proactively handle bullies instead of being taught that the best way to deal with them is to turn the other cheek - mostly because it just doesn't work.

5. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me 

Just, nope.

If I were a boy...

My boyfriend talked me into participating in the My 500 Words challenge which encourages writers to write 500 words a day for 31 days.

My first post in this challenge is...

What I would do if I were a boy

I love being a girl, I really do, but sometimes I genuinely wonder what it would be like to be male. 

If I could be a boy for just a little while, here are the things I would do.

1.Not wear make-up

My morning routine probably only takes about 15 minutes, which is at the low end of the spectrum in terms of morning routine for females.  It should be noted however that this only applies for weekday mornings.  If I am going to a function of any kind, getting ready takes me at least 45 minutes.  Between picking out clothing to deciding on a hairstyle, executing that hairstyle, and then applying my make up, it's a whole production.  If I were a boy, I would absolutely relish the fact that all I'd have to do is wash my face and brush my teeth.

2. Fart

Maybe not in public, but definitely around my friends.  Farting just seems to be a social norm for a lot of guys.  Then again, I could be wrong.  I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years now, and he is perfectly comfortable farting in front of me, which is perfectly fine.  However, I still do not fart in front of him, nor do I fart in front of my girlfriends.  I feel like that is just one of those things that women cannot do if they want to remain "ladylike" in the eyes of...Well...Anyone.

3. Not worry about shaving

If I were a man, obviously I wouldn't have to worry about shaving my legs or pits.  But, to take it even further, I wouldn't even worry about shaving my face.  That's the thing about being a guy; lots of ladies like the scruffy look.  So, if you're feeling too lazy to shave your beard, women just think you're manly, not lazy.

4. Take off my shirt in public

Full disclosure; I am a sweat machine.  If it were socially acceptable for me to partially disrobe in public, I would probably do it on a daily basis.

5. Pee standing up

Not that peeing sitting down is a huge burden for me - I just want to see what all the fuss is about.  I think it would be pretty cool to use a urinal, too.

6. Write my name in the snow...With pee

It just seems like a lot of fun

7.  Wash my hair everyday

This may seem like a strange one, but as a female with semi-long and very thick hair, washing my hair is a two-hour long production.  Washing my hair involves working through the shampoo and then waiting for the conditioner to penetrate which takes about 20 minutes.  Then drying is roughly a 30-40 minute process.  Then there's the issue of curling or straightening my hair, which is an additional 15-25 minutes. If I were a boy -  specifically a short-haired boy - I would definitely take advantage of the fact that I could wash my hair in the span of just five minutes.

But, I still love being a girl.

I think.