rah! rah! rah!

I attended my first Ice Caps game last night.  Before that, I hadn't been to a hockey game since we had the St. John's Maple Leafs.  What the hell, right?

All in all, the game was fun; it was a bit of a nail biter and damn do I love me some Buddy the Puffin.

Of course, my experience did not come without an interesting variety of fans.

I encountered: 

1. The hacking, coughing, wheezing guy

If you have a cold, stay home, I'm sure your tickets won't go to waste.  Or at the very least, bring some water and a cough drop.  I do not appreciate having to comb your snot and spit out of my hair.

2. The "SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT!" guy

I'm quite confident that the players on the ice know the object of the game.  I also highly doubt that they can hear what you're saying to them.

3. The concession stand hero

This donkey gets up at least four or five times in the run of just one period.  He squeezes past everyone in the row so that he can go get some popcorn.  Then a hot dog.  Then some nachos.  Then a beer.  Then some cotton candy?  Why not.

4. The overly enthusiastic kids

I love child sport fans; I think they're super cute, and I'm all for enthusiasm.  I have no problem with you trying to get the crowd to chant with you.  However, when it's the fourth time you've starting chanting "GO CAPS, GO!" and still, nobody has joined in, give it a rest. 

5. The women who stands in the aisle to talk to her coworker

Missus, I'm trying to get to my seat and you're standing on the steps chatting about how long it took you the mop the floors today?  You're thirty seconds away from getting drop kicked.

6. The oblivious girlfriend who won't stop asking questions

I don't know a whole lot about hockey, so I do ask a few questions. You know, "why did he just blow the whistle?", "what determines when someone gets a penalty shot?", stuff like that.  What annoys me is: "why did he do that?", "what just happened?", "what are they doing now?"  Well missus, I got a question for you: WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?

7. The drunk 

Pretty self explanatory.  Too many beers.  Gets a little rowdy.  Starts shouting at people about cats.  And peanut butter.  Whatever.

8. The shit disturber 

This angel wears the other team's jersey, cheers for the other team, and boos when the home team scores a goal.  Kid's gonna get his ass kicked one of these days.

9. The fashionista

T-shirts and jeans aren't good enough for this diva.  She comes to the game in her little black dress and her sealskin boots.  I don't know why this bothers me so much.  It just does.

10. The whistler 

There cannot be a more annoying sound in the universe.  Especially the fingers-in-mouth whistle.  It's worse than nails on a chalkboard.  Just clap like a normal person.

first world problems

First World Problems: problems from living in a wealthy, industrialized nation that 'third wordlers' would probably roll their eyes at (courtesy of urbandictionary.com)

It's growing meme and yeah, sometimes it's funny.  Like, "aw crap, I don't know which 20-carat diamond encrusted platinum ring to buy."

Some things that people complain about, though, that they deem as first world problems, really piss me off.  The following are ridiculous complaints that I've actually heard come out of someone's mouth. There are a lot so, strap in.

"My wallet is too fat and it won't fit in my pocket"

"My smart phone takes three too long to load Candy Crush"

"I can't fit any more food in my fridge"

"My free coffee doesn't taste very good"

"I asked for a medium cappuccino but they gave me a large, it's going to get cold before I can drink it all"

"The free WiFi in this place is so slow"

"My parents what to know what I want for Christmas but I can't think of what to ask for"

"I have too many gift cards and I don't know what to buy with them"

"I won a free case of Pepsi but I drink Coke"

"My dishwasher is broken so I have to wash my dishes by hand"

"I finished the TV show I was binge-watching; now I have nothing to do with my time"

"My iPod has too many gigs; there aren't any more songs I want to download"

"My boyfriend is too obsessed with me"

"I went to the doctor and I had to wait an hour" (for my free healthcare)

"I'm hungry, but I don't like any of the food in my house"

"I can't find my remote control and I don't want to get up to change the channel"

"I forgot to take a picture of my meal and post it to Instagram before I started eating"

"Netflix doesn't have commercials so now I don't know when to go use the bathroom"

"My power went out temporarily and my iPad wasn't charged"

"My family can't fit all of our cars in the driveway"

"I'm really thirsty, but I'm out of bottled water and I don't like tap water"

"Gas prices have dropped but I just filled up my tank yesterday"

"I have too many PS3 games so I can't decide what to play"

"I forgot to bring my phone to the bathroom; now I have nothing to do while I poop"

Just to add some perspective, here are some actual third world problems

22,000 children die each day in third world countries due to poverty

More than a billion people in third world countries do not have adequate access to clean drinking water

A quarter or more of the entire human population lives without electricity at all

More than half the population of all developing nations in the world depends on farming for survival

More than 800 million people have no access to health care

More than 870 million people in the entire third world population have no food to eat or a very precarious food supply

So, go ahead and complain to me about your phone battery dying.  And watch me punch you in the face.

bring back my goodies to me

Day three of my challenge.  It's been a struggle; self-discipline is not my thing.

These are 15 foods that should NEVER have been taken off the market.

 

1. Rainbow Bread

A lot of people don't remember this - I don't even remember it that well because I was so young when it was on the market, but I definitely remember that it was the coolest.  I definitely ate a lot of sandwiches in the 90s.

2. Vanilla Coke

You can still get Vanilla Coke in some places in Canada, but for us in Newfoundland, we have to wait until Freak Lunchbox orders in a palette or two every so often.  Then we have to decide if we want it bad enough to pay $24 a case...

3. Cappucino Gum

I may be a weirdo for having liked this.  I mean the point in chewing gum is to get rid of coffee breath.  But dayum did I love this gum.

4. 3D Doritos

I don't know what it was about these, but everyone loved them.  Popping one of these hollow friggers into your mouth was the most satisfying thing ever.  Somehow the 3D version of these chips tasted better than the 2D versions of the same flavour.

 

5. Flinstones Push Up Pops

They were like push pops made of sherbet! The wrapper was so flimsy and the ice cream would melt all over you.  But, they were sherbet push pops!

 6. Crispy M&Ms 

Why did they even take these off the market?  They were DELICIOUS!  They have M&Ms with peanut butter and jelly in the middle but they discontinued the ones with wafer centres?!

7. Snapple Element drinks

I felt so cool holding one of these. I mean, check out the names of the flavors:  earth, sun, fire - so cool, right?!  They were so huge!  And so fruity.  And refreshing.

8. Orbitz

Honestly, these beverages were pretty gross.  The flavours weren't very good, and I always felt like I was drinking boogers.  But damn if they weren't the coolest looking drinks.

9. Spice Girls Gum

They came with Spice Girls tattoos!  And they were only 25¢ each.  And while we're at it, Spice Girls lollipops also kicked ass.  They had the Spice Girls' faces on them!

10. Bubble Beeper

My very first cellular device.  And it was delicious.

11. McDonald's Pizza

This stuff kicked ass.  They discontinued it because it took 11 minutes to make and customers complained too much about the long wait times.  Bitches ruined it for everyone.

12. Sprite Remix

It was like minty sprite, but it was cool.  Remixes are cool.

13. Kool Aid Bursts

These wax bottles only held two or three mouthfuls of juice, but the fun came with biting the tops off!

14. Clear Gatorade/Powerade

They just looked so cool.  It was like "man, you drinking water from a gatorade bottle?"  Then you'd be all "nah shawty, it's fierce grape."

15. Coca Cola Blāk

In theory, coffee-flavoured coke is gross.  And, in reality it was kinda gross.  Except, I really loved it.  But, I also loved cappucino gum so...

good mentor; bad advisor

As a child, we think adults know everything, so we take their every word as gospel.  Unfortunately as we grow older, we learn some of the advice that was given to us as children actually ended up working against us.

These are the five worst pieces of advice I received as a child.

1. If a boy picks on you, he likes you 

This most likely is actually true for kids who are in Kindergarten, but if a boy picks on you in grade school, he's just being an asshole.  Regardless, adults love to feed this line to kids who are getting bullied.  Even in grade six, when I'd come home to my aunt who used to take care of me after school, I'd recount the shitty things my classmates had said to me that day, and she'd reassure me with, "that boy's just sweet on you but he's too shy to tell you."  Listen, if somebody tells you they'd rather eat horseshit than go out with you, it doesn't mean they have a secret crush on you; trust me.

2. Be yourself 

I know parents give us this advice with good intentions, but I think it can sometimes work to kids' disadvantage.  Of course, it's super important to teach kids to love themselves and not to hold themselves to someone else's standards and to focus on what makes them unique and all that good stuff.    But, kids can be cruel; especially to those who are different.  Important note: do not go to school with your entire head of hair crimped when your hair is already incredibly thick to begin with.  And it's 2001.  It'll be a tough one to live down.

3. You can do anything you set your mind to 

This is another piece of advice that parents and teachers give us as children and, while their hearts are in the right place, I think it sends false hope and doesn't teach kids how to deal with failure.  What we should be teaching kids is that they should work hard to obtain each and every one of their goals, but that it's okay if they don't succeed every single time.

4. Ignore a bully and he'll go away 

First of all, this is much easier said than done.  For me, my friends were actually the ones doing most of the bullying - you know what girls are like.  I had a small group of friends who would collectively decide to turn on me about once a week simply because they were bored.  In the case of more traditional bullies, the majority of them will not stop picking on you simply because you make an attempt at ignoring them - kids are relentless. Kids should be taught how to proactively handle bullies instead of being taught that the best way to deal with them is to turn the other cheek - mostly because it just doesn't work.

5. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me 

Just, nope.