playtime

As I was ransacking my room the other day looking for my iPod, I found my Bop-It that I had gotten for Christmas like 5 years ago.  First, I was all like “man, I really should clean out my room” but then I was all like “man, remember how frigging awesome Bop-It used to be?”   Consequently, I have compiled a list of my top ten favourite playthings as a child.  Beware: nostalgia will soon be setting in.

 

1.      Bop-It – as mentioned earlier, Bop-It was the COOLEST.  I used to be so deadly at it, too.  I know you’re probably thinking you were just as good, but, seriously, I was better.  Everyone thinks they’re awesome at Bop-it, but trust me, I’m the best.  I’d school everyone in a game of “pass it”.  I probably still could.  And then there was Bop-It Extreme, at which I also kicked truckloads
of ass.  Seriously.

2.      Skydancers – these were like the version of Barbies that older kids weren’t too embarrassed to play with.  And they were SO COOL.  Well, they were for like the first little while after you got them.  You’d get one for Christmas and see how long it took you to get it stuck in the garland on the ceiling.  And then you’re just… over it.  Until you got a new one, obviously.

3.      Echo Mic – this was seriously such a simple toy, but you could entertain yourself for hours just from shouting “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” into it.  You could also really annoy the shit out of your parents, which is undoubtedly another perk.

4.      Yak Bak – this little shitty device could only record like five or so seconds of sound, but there was no limit to the number of things we could come up with to record.  Mostly swear words and different names for reproductive organs.  A laugh and a half.

5.      Tamagotchi – I don’t know why everybody was so obsessed with these, but I swear to frig you weren’t a cool kid if you didn’t own one.  Needless to say, I didn’t own one.  I think a friend let me borrow hers once and I got bored with it and ended up letting the little frigger die… and then she got really mad at me.  Sorry, Brittany.

6.      Pogs – OH MAN, POGS.  I’m not even sure I knew how to play Pogs.  But, shit, did I love collecting them.  I think I had like 5 slammers and I didn’t even know what they were used for. 
hey were just my favourite Pogs.

7.      Furby – creepy little bastards.  How did anyone ever think these things were cute?  The voice alone was enough to give you nightmares.  I swear they still did shit without even having batteries in them.

8.      Polly Pocket – remember these?  They came with one shitty little “Polly” piece that you could lay in one of the little circular indentations throughout the castle/mall/water park scene and then she’d just stand there.  Then you could move her to the next place, and make her stand there instead. WTF.

9.      Sock’em Boppers – these were pretty hardcore.  You could give someone a serious nosebleed with these.  Giving a set of these to a kid with a sibling was basically like giving them a license to kill.  But they were so awesome.

       10.  Easy bake oven – this was a luxury that I never got to experience.  I can only imagine the splendor of owning one of these treasures.  The 20-somethings that you see driving around in cars that their parents obviously paid for were the kids who got Easy Bake Ovens for their birthday.  Spoiled bitches.

a bad rap

What the hell is going on with rap lately?  My boyfriend (unfortunately) listens to a quite a lot of rap and when he’s listening in the car and I’m in the passenger seat (which, by the way, would be the only instance in which I would subject myself to such torture), my jaw drops at the stupidity of the lyrics:

 “Yeah, I mean you ain’t the only real, nigga
They got me on these white women like Seal, nigga
Slave to the pussy but I’m just playing the field, nigga
Yeah, are these people really discussing my career again?”

WTF

Why do people want to listen to this?  What happened to the good ol’ days when Will Smith was rappin’ about girls being nothin’ but trouble and parents not understandin’?  And what about this gem:

“Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it
My town, that created all the bass sound
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground”

Granted, Vanilla Ice’s self-proclamation of “a lyrical poet” can be considered somewhat less than accurate, but at least he doesn’t rhyme the word “nigga” with “nigga” (three times, at that).

I’m not saying that all rap is horrible, but about 90% of rap songs nowadays lack any kind of substance.  If all you want to rap about is female reproductive organs, how did you even get famous in the first place?  It doesn’t even take any kind of skill or education to write rap lyrics.  Just throw in lots of profanity, refer to women in a demeaning manner, and say “yo” a lot. There, you’ve got yourself a #1 hit.

Makes me angry that people who can’t even be bothered to put together a proper sentence own million-dollar condos and are driving Lamborghinis (are they still popular?  I know nothing about cars). 

On that negative, slightly spiteful note, I leave you with a rapper who knows what’s up (and who happens to be one of my guilty pleasures).

Enjoy, hoes.

chick smarts

Most - if not all - girls have a purse or a tote bag that they take everywhere.  In said purse or tote bag, there are a few staple items.  The following is a list of essentials that I think everyone should have in their purse:

Detergent Pen – you never know when you’re going to waste coffee all over yourself.  Because life is usually an asshole, it’s likely to happen just before a big date or job interview.  Get out your Tide Pen and clean that shit up.

The contents of my sister's purse

Gum/mints – fresh breath is always a must.

Pocket mirror – my friends are dicks and probably wouldn’t tell me if I had something stuck in my teeth.  Therefore, my pocket mirror is my best friend.

Foundation – this may not be as vital to others as it is to me, but when your face is oilier than Danny Zuko’s hair, you’re going to require multiple touch-ups throughout the day.

Nail file – again, this may not be as vital to most people, but I generally have my nails at a length long enough to be in danger of cracking off while wrestling with a stubborn Pepsi can pull tab.

Lipgloss – I’m pretty confident every girl has this in their purse already - chapped lips are a pain in the ass.

Moisturizer – just convenient to have.

Band-aids – I carry these as a sort of public service.  I don’t usually cut myself bad enough to warrant a band-aid.  If I’m ever wearing a band-aid, it’s most likely for aesthetic purposes.

Tissues – something else I carry as a public service.  I don’t blow my nose in public – ew – but who am I to deny anyone else?

The contents of my purse

Tampons – ladies, no-brainer.

Pen – just good common sense!

Aspirin – if you work with the type of people I work with, this is a necessity.

Extra phone charger – this is a very good investment (actually, I don’t know if this qualifies as an investment… phone chargers are not very expensive).  I have three: one for home, one for work, and one in my bag.

Nail/eyelash/crazy glue – very handy to have.  Nail and eyelash glue are both a lot stronger than you’d think.  You never know when you’re going to have to glue a penis back onto a statue – haven’t you ever seen The Wedding Planner?

Hand sanitizer – Who knows how many people pick their nose before they shake your hand?

What are some of your purse essentials?

less money, mo' problems

I've decided I’m going to try to educate you donkeys on saving money, because I've lost a lot of time listening to people complain about how little money they have.  

Here we go:

1. Stop eating out every night – this is a no-brainer, but it’s ridiculous how many people disobey this rule.  What’s hilarious is people who spend $300 on a grocery bill and then grab McDonald’s for supper on the way home. COME ON.  A night at Boston Pizza is $30 even without the fancy drinks.  Doing that even once a week is really going to hurt your piggy bank.

2. Say no to online shopping – I am a huge disobeyer of this rule (is that even a word?).  Online shopping is a money racket.  You can’t try anything on, so the chances of getting something that doesn’t fit are very high; you don’t really notice how much you’re adding to your cart until your total is in the triple digits, but then you convince yourself that there’s nothing you can get rid of; shipping costs alone are enough to rob you blind.

3. Cut out your frivolous daily spending – I know most people claim they are “addicted” to their coffee and they “need” their daily Tim’s fix or else they won’t get through the day, but the $2 you’re spending every day on your morning coffee is really adding up.  If you stopped buying a coffee everyday and you started putting that $2 away, in a year and a half you’d have over $1000.  If you can’t live without your morning coffee, buy a coffee maker.  And stop being so stupid.

4.  Stop accumulating interest – Most people have a savings account, which is super, but if you have a savings account and you have credit card debt, you’re throwing your friggin’ money away.  Do yourself a favor and use your savings to pay off your credit card.  Don’t pay the credit card companies any more than you have to.  They’re assholes.

5.  Don’t buy things you can’t afford – DUH.  Seems painfully obvious, but people end up doing this because they think of their credit card as free money.  If you want to buy something but you’re lacking funds, yeah, you can put it on your credit card… but if you can’t pay off the full balance with your next paycheck, you probably shouldn’t be buying it.

6.  Save money on banking fees – Man, to withdraw money from an ATM of a different bank you need to pay a $3 transaction fee.  THAT’S LUDICROUS.  That costs more than your morning coffee.  Do yourself another favor and only withdraw money from your own bank.

7.  Don’t buy stuff you don’t need – another no-brainer.  But, I guess most people have no brains, because I see this happening a lot.  If you’re not going to want it in a few days, or you already have a hundred of them (girls, I’m talking to you.  Stop buying lip gloss), then don’t waste your money.

8. Don’t grocery shop when you’re hungry – this one is on every money-saving list, I know, but that’s because it’s important.  If you’re starving when you go grocery shopping, you’re going to be so amped up when you see pizza pockets on sale that you’re going to buy ten boxes of them, and then you’re going to convince yourself that you’re going to eat them all when you go home.  And then a week later you’ll open your freezer and remember that you hate pizza pockets.  But now you have ten boxes.

9.  Stop paying for cell phone/internet overages – If you’re like me, your electronic devices consume a lot of data, and that’s fine.  Just make sure you have a data plan that allows you to consume a lot of data, otherwise you’ll be paying out of your ass for it.  For example, if you use about 100 gigabytes of data a month (through Netflix, downloading movies, whatever), but your plan only allots for 60 gigabytes, and the next plan up is 120 gigabytes but you figure, you don’t want to pay for the extra 20 gigs you won’t use, then you’re stupid.  For argument’s sake, let’s say a 60 gig plan costs $50 a month and an 120 gig plan costs $100, and your Internet company charges you $2 for every gig you go over (which is standard), for the 100 gigs you’re using, you’re paying $130.  For $100, you could have a data plan with 20 extra gigs.  You could be a total badass and download movies you don’t even want to watch.

10. Stop paying for memberships/subscriptions you don’t use – obviously, gym membership is the big one.  But there are others – magazine subscriptions, sample subscriptions, etc.  Companies know exactly what they’re doing by offering memberships. I spent months trying to get myself taken off a VIP list of a lingerie site that I didn’t even sign up for – the way the membership worked was that they had my credit card on file and every month they’d charge me $39.95 that they called a “credit” and I could use this “credit” toward a bra set of my choosing.  As I understand it, if I’m paying for it myself, it’s not a credit.  But in any case, you need to unsubscribe from or cancel any memberships that you don’t use.  The only thing that gets a workout from paying for a gym membership that you don’t use is your wallet.