It’s been a while
I’m gonna write about what happened to me recently, just so you can get an idea of exactly how socially awkward I am.
At work a couple of weeks ago, some of the lab techs were giving a presentation in one of the classrooms. Attending the presentation was optional; however, it looks bad if you don’t show up to these things. I had every intention of going, unfortunately, I forgot about it until ten minutes after it had started. I debated whether I should go and figured I’d look like an asshole if I didn’t show up (even if I was late).
LUCKILY, they hadn’t started yet. HOWEVER, everyone was already seated and settled in. If you know me at all, you know I’m not really one for being the center of attention, therefore, when I got in there and saw that everyone had already taken their seat, I immediately bypassed the coffee/cake trolley at the front of the room so as to avoid having all eyes on me while I awkwardly fumbled to put a cup of tea together.
SO: I picked up a big white jug that had “tea” scribbled on it in Sharpie (super classy) and when I poured it into the shitty little cafeteria tea cup, there was no tea – it was just water. No big deal, the tea bags must be separate. I grabbed a sweetener and started looking around the trolley for a pile of teabags. Except there weren’t any. And the presentation was starting. I took my cup of hot water and headed to the back of the room because there was no one seated back there.
Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, I opened my packet of sweetener and emptied it into my mug of hot water so that people would be convinced I had tea. Yeah, I was putting on a pretty good show. Anyway, a couple of minutes later, two more people came in and sat right in front of me. Aw shit. If they turn around to say hello or something, they’re going to see that there’s nothing in my mug except water. Why was this a big deal? I have no idea. But it was. So… I drank the hot, sweaty, sweetener water. And it was disgusting.
This kind of shit actually happens to me on a daily basis.
Too bad Seinfeld is over. I probably could’ve sold the rights to this story to Larry David. Tough break.