Wednesday, 3 April 2013

boob tube

While I don’t have any talents or skills (like most normal people do), I do consider myself to have impeccable taste in television and movies.  I’ve watched enough television to know what makes a quality TV show and what makes a horrible, pointless, hour-long waste of time.  Most shows that are terrible timewasters get cancelled after the first season. However, some shows trick people into thinking that they’re actually worth watching, thus giving me the need to create a list of the top ten most overrated shows on television right now.

1. Two and a Half Men – I seriously don’t get the appeal of this show.  Even when Charlie Sheen was on it, it wasn’t enjoyable, and Charlie Sheen is everybody’s favourite train wreck.  But honestly, what is the fascination with this show?  It’s just Pretty in Pink’s Duckie trying not to get kicked out of his brother, Charlie [Sheen]’s beach-front home in Malibu while trying to raise his lazy, airheaded son, and deal with his snobby, entitled ex-wife, (and sometimes his sexual deviant of a mother).  They couldn’t even finish shooting the 8th season because Charlie Sheen checked himself into rehab and had some choice words with the writers of the show.   So, they hired Ashton Kutcher – of all people – to take Charlie’s place who, coincidentally, is also dealing with a divorce and, here comes the shocker, is rich too!  And for some bizarre reason, Ashton’s character has no problem letting some random man and his round-faced kid live with him.  That sounds like a recipe for a terrible waste of a half hour, if you ask me.

2. Grey’s Anatomy – I’m sure even the biggest fans of this show will agree with me that it’s completely and utterly overrated.   I always liken it to a more sexualized, more modernized, less awkward version of Dawson’s Creek.  Grey’s Anatomy is a drama-filled show about a group of interns who are accepted into the residency program at the fictional Seattle Grace Hospital and we basically watch as they trade sexual partners with each other, screw up medical procedures, get yelled at by their superiors, and basically sit around in stairwells doing everything but work.  All while speaking in horrible clichés and having crazy mood swings.  MadTV’s parody sums up the show pretty well:

3.  Dancing with the Stars – Unbelievably, everybody and their mom love this show.  The producers should be sued for false advertising, because from the few episodes I’ve forced myself to sit through, I saw no stars.  This show is, astonishingly, on its 16th season and the “star”’ of Season 16 are:  Alexandra Raisman, Andy Dick, D.L. Hughley, Dorothy Hamill, Ingo Rademacher, Jacoby Jones, Kellie Pickler, Lisa Vanderpump, Sean Lowe, Victor Ortiz, Wynonna Judd, and Zendaya.  I recognize 3 of 16 of these names, two of which were considered washed up 5 or more years ago, and the third was made famous through a reality show, therefore, I don’t think she should be considered a “star”.  I think it goes without saying that this show makes promises it can’t keep.  If they actually had stars on this show, I would watch it.  I certainly wouldn’t mind spending one hour a week watching Paul Rudd tackle the Lindy Hop or Emma Stone trying to master the Fox trot.  But I couldn’t care less about watching a random Olympic athlete trying to perfect his/her pas de bourée.


4.  Gossip Girl – I’ve probably watched all of five minutes of this show and that’s all I needed to be able to form an opinion.  It’s like they took Degrassi, gave the characters gargantuan trust funds, and amplified their sexuality by five million.  I mean, I almost got pregnant just from watching a preview for the fourth season.  It’s basically rich bitches fighting over boys and backstabbing their friends.  Essentially, it’s the reason why guys think girls are psychotic. Thanks, Gossip Girl.


5.  2 Broke Girls – I know a lot of people like this show exclusively for Kat Dennings, but, I’m not a fan.  I can’t get past her teeth, I’m sorry.  And I’m so over the character that she tries to pull off in every role she plays.  I mean, she was funny in Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (which was the first time I saw her), when she played an awkward, sarcastic, and slightly insecure indie chick who inevitably falls for Michael Cera’s nervous, gawky, and slightly timid character (a character which is also played out) – but seeing her play the same part over and over again is just tiring.  And putting her next to a completely unlikable Beth Behrs (Caroline) just adds insult to injury.  The writing is just simple-minded humor and consists of mostly one-liners that Dennings’ sassy character dishes out a few times an episode.  Trust me, there are better things you could be doing on a Monday night.

6.  The Voice – When the preview for this series aired, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but the whole “blind audition” thing seemed pretty exciting.  I learned, however, that once the auditions are actually over, it’s basically just The X Factor.  The only exception being that the judges are seated in ridiculously oversized swivel chairs. 

Here’s the part of the list where people start wanting to kick my ass:

7.  Glee – I used to be the biggest gleek, seriously.  But, in my opinion, after the first season, it just wasn’t the same show.  I mean, one of the things that kept you watching was Rachel Berry’s overzealous character in her knee-socks and pony sweaters.  But then they gave her bangs. And makeup.  And tight shirts.   And she’s just not the same, loveable Rachel Berry anymore.  And then they started picking terrible songs to cover, like Rebecca Black’s “Friday” and Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok”.  And Ryan Murphy, the writer, seems to have an obsession with starting story arcs and then completely forgetting about them.  It’s a little frustrating.  But people still rave about the show.  It has taken home four Golden Globes and six People’s Choice Awards.  People certainly haven’t stopped watching, despite how poor the writing has gotten.  Sorry, Ryan Murphy.  I still like you as a friend.

8.  The Walking Dead – If you know me, you’ll know I’m a huge fan of The Walking Dead.  But, that still doesn’t mean that it’s not overrated.  It’s a good show, don’t get me wrong, but the way people worship this show like it’s the best show on television and that nothing will ever top it is just stupid.  I understand that making a show about the zombie apocalypse is definitely a challenge.  I mean, it’s not a two-hour movie in which the characters can sail away on a raft to what you can only assume is “freedom”, since that’s where the movie ends.  Nonetheless, I still think people give this show more praise than it deserves.  There’s no denying that the plot twists are constantly unexpected and that the there’s no shortage of cliffhangers, but more often than not you’re just sort of sitting and waiting for something to happen.  The actors are amazing, the concept is genius, but it still feels like there’s something lacking.

9.  Breaking Bad – Expecting some hate mail for this one.  I think I’ve gotten at least halfway through the third season of this show and I’m still not hooked.  If you ask me, there’s something wrong there.  I know a few people who would go as far as to say that this is the single greatest show on TV. I don't get that.  It’s my understanding that the main character in a television show should be likeable.  I mean, Dexter Morgan is a serial killer, and I still wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers.  Walter White, on the other hand, deserves a punch in the face (in my opinion, anyway).  Also, I feel like a lot of the ‘twists’ in this show are purely for shock value.  They don't necessarily make the story any better.  You’re always thinking “jeepers, how’s Walt going to get himself out of this?” and then by some completely unrealistic means, everything gets resolved.  Maybe that’s a large part of why I don’t like the show.  I get stressed out easily, especially while watching TV shows or movies in which somebody gets him/herself into a lot of trouble.  Ever see Dinner for Schmucks?  Well, I have to watch that movie in increments, spread out over a couple of days, because the amount of things that go wrong in that movie is just too much for me to handle.  And then there’s Skylar.  Seriously, why is she so annoying?  I cringe anytime she opens her oversized mouth.

10.  The Big Bang Theory – I think this one is going to upset the most people.  But, I cannot understand the overwhelming attraction to this show?  I’m confident that if you asked 80% of the population to list their favourite shows, this show would be among the top three. Yes, I agree that Jim Parsons is a comedic genius and is a terrific actor and all that good stuff.   Yes, John Galecki, Kunal Nayyar, and Simon Helberg are also incredibly talented and witty and blah blah blah.  I still don't agree that this show just is as remarkable as everybody makes it out to be. I think that most people like to pretend that they identify with Sheldon and that they can understand what he’s saying when he gets on with his scientific hypotheses and shit.  But, get real.  And I don’t know what they were thinking when they decided on Kaley Cuoco’s character.  Way to make it look like all pretty girls are dumb.  Not that I would take offense to that (I'm not exactly a Kaley Cuoco look-a-like), but any female characters on The Big Bang Theory are… well...not ugly, per se… but they certainly give off the impression that they don’t give a shit about their appearance. (I’m talking to you, Mayim Bialik).

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