bring back my goodies to me

Day three of my challenge.  It's been a struggle; self-discipline is not my thing.

These are 15 foods that should NEVER have been taken off the market.

 

1. Rainbow Bread

A lot of people don't remember this - I don't even remember it that well because I was so young when it was on the market, but I definitely remember that it was the coolest.  I definitely ate a lot of sandwiches in the 90s.

2. Vanilla Coke

You can still get Vanilla Coke in some places in Canada, but for us in Newfoundland, we have to wait until Freak Lunchbox orders in a palette or two every so often.  Then we have to decide if we want it bad enough to pay $24 a case...

3. Cappucino Gum

I may be a weirdo for having liked this.  I mean the point in chewing gum is to get rid of coffee breath.  But dayum did I love this gum.

4. 3D Doritos

I don't know what it was about these, but everyone loved them.  Popping one of these hollow friggers into your mouth was the most satisfying thing ever.  Somehow the 3D version of these chips tasted better than the 2D versions of the same flavour.

 

5. Flinstones Push Up Pops

They were like push pops made of sherbet! The wrapper was so flimsy and the ice cream would melt all over you.  But, they were sherbet push pops!

 6. Crispy M&Ms 

Why did they even take these off the market?  They were DELICIOUS!  They have M&Ms with peanut butter and jelly in the middle but they discontinued the ones with wafer centres?!

7. Snapple Element drinks

I felt so cool holding one of these. I mean, check out the names of the flavors:  earth, sun, fire - so cool, right?!  They were so huge!  And so fruity.  And refreshing.

8. Orbitz

Honestly, these beverages were pretty gross.  The flavours weren't very good, and I always felt like I was drinking boogers.  But damn if they weren't the coolest looking drinks.

9. Spice Girls Gum

They came with Spice Girls tattoos!  And they were only 25¢ each.  And while we're at it, Spice Girls lollipops also kicked ass.  They had the Spice Girls' faces on them!

10. Bubble Beeper

My very first cellular device.  And it was delicious.

11. McDonald's Pizza

This stuff kicked ass.  They discontinued it because it took 11 minutes to make and customers complained too much about the long wait times.  Bitches ruined it for everyone.

12. Sprite Remix

It was like minty sprite, but it was cool.  Remixes are cool.

13. Kool Aid Bursts

These wax bottles only held two or three mouthfuls of juice, but the fun came with biting the tops off!

14. Clear Gatorade/Powerade

They just looked so cool.  It was like "man, you drinking water from a gatorade bottle?"  Then you'd be all "nah shawty, it's fierce grape."

15. Coca Cola Blāk

In theory, coffee-flavoured coke is gross.  And, in reality it was kinda gross.  Except, I really loved it.  But, I also loved cappucino gum so...

good mentor; bad advisor

As a child, we think adults know everything, so we take their every word as gospel.  Unfortunately as we grow older, we learn some of the advice that was given to us as children actually ended up working against us.

These are the five worst pieces of advice I received as a child.

1. If a boy picks on you, he likes you 

This most likely is actually true for kids who are in Kindergarten, but if a boy picks on you in grade school, he's just being an asshole.  Regardless, adults love to feed this line to kids who are getting bullied.  Even in grade six, when I'd come home to my aunt who used to take care of me after school, I'd recount the shitty things my classmates had said to me that day, and she'd reassure me with, "that boy's just sweet on you but he's too shy to tell you."  Listen, if somebody tells you they'd rather eat horseshit than go out with you, it doesn't mean they have a secret crush on you; trust me.

2. Be yourself 

I know parents give us this advice with good intentions, but I think it can sometimes work to kids' disadvantage.  Of course, it's super important to teach kids to love themselves and not to hold themselves to someone else's standards and to focus on what makes them unique and all that good stuff.    But, kids can be cruel; especially to those who are different.  Important note: do not go to school with your entire head of hair crimped when your hair is already incredibly thick to begin with.  And it's 2001.  It'll be a tough one to live down.

3. You can do anything you set your mind to 

This is another piece of advice that parents and teachers give us as children and, while their hearts are in the right place, I think it sends false hope and doesn't teach kids how to deal with failure.  What we should be teaching kids is that they should work hard to obtain each and every one of their goals, but that it's okay if they don't succeed every single time.

4. Ignore a bully and he'll go away 

First of all, this is much easier said than done.  For me, my friends were actually the ones doing most of the bullying - you know what girls are like.  I had a small group of friends who would collectively decide to turn on me about once a week simply because they were bored.  In the case of more traditional bullies, the majority of them will not stop picking on you simply because you make an attempt at ignoring them - kids are relentless. Kids should be taught how to proactively handle bullies instead of being taught that the best way to deal with them is to turn the other cheek - mostly because it just doesn't work.

5. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me 

Just, nope.

If I were a boy...

My boyfriend talked me into participating in the My 500 Words challenge which encourages writers to write 500 words a day for 31 days.

My first post in this challenge is...

What I would do if I were a boy

I love being a girl, I really do, but sometimes I genuinely wonder what it would be like to be male. 

If I could be a boy for just a little while, here are the things I would do.

1.Not wear make-up

My morning routine probably only takes about 15 minutes, which is at the low end of the spectrum in terms of morning routine for females.  It should be noted however that this only applies for weekday mornings.  If I am going to a function of any kind, getting ready takes me at least 45 minutes.  Between picking out clothing to deciding on a hairstyle, executing that hairstyle, and then applying my make up, it's a whole production.  If I were a boy, I would absolutely relish the fact that all I'd have to do is wash my face and brush my teeth.

2. Fart

Maybe not in public, but definitely around my friends.  Farting just seems to be a social norm for a lot of guys.  Then again, I could be wrong.  I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years now, and he is perfectly comfortable farting in front of me, which is perfectly fine.  However, I still do not fart in front of him, nor do I fart in front of my girlfriends.  I feel like that is just one of those things that women cannot do if they want to remain "ladylike" in the eyes of...Well...Anyone.

3. Not worry about shaving

If I were a man, obviously I wouldn't have to worry about shaving my legs or pits.  But, to take it even further, I wouldn't even worry about shaving my face.  That's the thing about being a guy; lots of ladies like the scruffy look.  So, if you're feeling too lazy to shave your beard, women just think you're manly, not lazy.

4. Take off my shirt in public

Full disclosure; I am a sweat machine.  If it were socially acceptable for me to partially disrobe in public, I would probably do it on a daily basis.

5. Pee standing up

Not that peeing sitting down is a huge burden for me - I just want to see what all the fuss is about.  I think it would be pretty cool to use a urinal, too.

6. Write my name in the snow...With pee

It just seems like a lot of fun

7.  Wash my hair everyday

This may seem like a strange one, but as a female with semi-long and very thick hair, washing my hair is a two-hour long production.  Washing my hair involves working through the shampoo and then waiting for the conditioner to penetrate which takes about 20 minutes.  Then drying is roughly a 30-40 minute process.  Then there's the issue of curling or straightening my hair, which is an additional 15-25 minutes. If I were a boy -  specifically a short-haired boy - I would definitely take advantage of the fact that I could wash my hair in the span of just five minutes.

But, I still love being a girl.

I think.

lost at sea

My mother passed away when I was five years old after losing a battle with breast cancer, so throughout grade school I was always looked at by my classmates as “the girl with no mom”.  To my friends - a handful of young girls who were very close with their mothers - it was unimaginable.  

The truth is, I never really thought it was a big deal – partly, I guess, because I was too young to understand and partly because my mom’s best friend whom my brother and I had known our whole lives (and married my dad a years later) took care of us after my mom passed so I never really felt like I was without a mother.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my mother and I miss her dearly, but five years isn't a whole lot of time to get to know your mom, especially when she's sick and confined to her room for about half that time.

As I got older and my friends started losing their parents to illness, I considered myself lucky that I was so young when I had gone through that.  I couldn't imagine having to lose my mom at 23 years old, so I was glad, for lack of a better word, that I had already experienced my share of the untimely loss of a parent.

 It's common knowledge that we will have to bury our parents.  Most of us hope that it will be many, many years down the road, after they've lived a successful and fulfilling life, and we've had our chance to say all that we've wanted to say.  Unfortunately, this wasn't the case for either of my parents.  My father was diagnosed with lung cancer on March 11, 2014 and passed away a month later.

Sunrise April 16, 2014

You assume that when you know a loved one is going to die, you will have the chance to say everything you’ve ever wanted to say to them, but it’s not always so.  Dad died on April 16 but it feels like I lost him much sooner.  His condition deteriorated rapidly and by the time I came to terms with the reality that he would soon be gone, he wasn't my dad anymore.  He had withered away to nothing, he had trouble speaking, and he was confined to his bed.  One afternoon I poked my head in his room to see how he was doing, and he just stared at me as if he was trying to figure out who I was.  He didn't know me anymore, nor did I really know him at that point.

About a year ago, my step-siblings’ father very tragically died of a heart attack.  At that point I decided it was important to take advantage of the fact that my father was still around and that I could still spend time with him.  I started staying home more, going to all of his softball games, and listening to him every day on the radio (he hosted a show on CBC Radio One).  Had I not been hit with that reality check, I think I would have a lot of regrets right now, which is why I hope you will now realize that life is short and you have to take advantage of the time you have now with the ones you love before it's too late.

My dad was often referred to as “the voice of the little guy” on the radio.  He was adamant that everyone had a right to be heard, whether it be the LGBT-Q community, victims of mental illness, or men and women of the fishery.  He was never afraid to say what was on his mind, “politically correct” or not.  He would always tell me “there’s no such thing as bad publicity, just make sure they spell your name right”. 

 He took a genuine interest in things that most people his age didn't have time for. Though he was a veteran journalist, he had a childlike side to him.  Some of his favourite songs to sing along to were, oddly enough,  “Dilemma” by Nelly, “21 Questions” by 50 Cent, and “Mmmbop” by Hanson (to name a few).

He was one of a kind in the best ways.  He was a die-hard Bruins fan, he loved Coronation Street, and he wouldn't eat anything that he didn't like the name of.  When he needed to talk to me, he'd ask if we could have a "chin wag". He got me to put the entire Jerky Boys discography on his mp3 player.

We had this inside joke where we would address each other as "Captain".  Even though my father was never one to wear his emotions on his sleeve, I knew that "Captain" was a term of endearment; it was our "I love you".

I’ve been so overwhelmed with the stories I’ve heard since he’s passed and all of the people who have shared their experiences with him.  I knew his reach was large but I didn’t know how large.

Dad was always so grateful, even for the smallest gestures.  When my step-mom was working long shifts, I would throw on a can of Cream of Mushroom soup for dad before he got home from work so he wouldn’t have to worry about supper, but he’d walk in the kitchen and his eyes would light up as if I just cooked him a five-course meal when all I did was boil some goop on the stove.  That’s the amazing thing about dad; he was so easy to please.  All he needed was a cold can of Pepsi, a bag of Lays, and his family around him to be happy as a clam (he used that expression a lot).

I used to come home a couple of times a week and tell him about stupid grammatical mistakes people at my work would make, like someone using “beneficiate” to mean “benefit”, or using the word “seize” to mean “cease”, and then we’d laugh and laugh and he'd say “well Sar, not everybody can be as smart as us”.

I only recently started talking to Dad about my wanting to become a writer.  He critiqued my first letter to the editor that was published in The Telegram, he read one of my pieces from my creative writing class and gave me some pointers, and he read all of my blog posts and gave me feedback on each one.  Though he’ll never see it if I make something of myself as a writer someday, I’m glad I got to share that little bit of myself with him.

Most of the time, it doesn’t feel like he’s gone, just that he’s on vacation.  My brain doesn’t allow me to think about the fact that I’ll never be able to talk to him; or hear his goofy jokes, or see that mischievous smile.

I was with Dad as he took his last breath; he passed away in his bed, next to my step-mom, my step-sister, my brother, his palliative care nurse, Marie, and myself.  Every now and then a noise will bring me back to that night; I can hear his staggered breathing, my step-sister's voice reading the lyrics to Dad's favourite Leonard Cohen songs, my step-mom's quiet sobs - it just feels like a bad movie that I want to turn off.

 As each day passes, I can feel myself becoming more and more like him, even without having to make an effort to do so.  He was my captain, my hero, and my best friend.  I truly feel lost without him and I hope someday I will make something of myself that will do justice to the Furlong name and that would have made him proud.

Here’s to John Furlong.