I love cats. Cats are super awesome. If you don't love them too, then you're really dumb. Here's why cats are so friggin' fantastic:
1. First of all, they’re painfully adorable. Have you ever seen an ugly cat? No. Because they don’t exist. They’re little and furry and have the biggest, cutest eyes EVER.
2. They don’t shit on the floor. Just give them a box and throw some sand in it. DONE.
3. They don’t need to be walked. Open the door; boot them out; sit back on the couch. Easiest.
4. They’re quiet. They don’t bark when somebody rings the doorbell, they don’t whine at you when they can see food on the table… they probably meow if they want to get outside or something, but who cares? That’s adorable.
5. They bathe themselves. Self-cleaning oven, self-cleaning toilet, self-cleaning pet. Got it made.
6. Abraham Lincoln loved cats. C’mon, Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves. You’re basically a racist if you don’t love cats.
7. Hitler hated cats. Dude. No-brainer.
8. They can fit through almost space. If the cat’s head can fit through it, they can squeeze their body through too. SO COOL.
9. They can see in the dark. Cats can see at one-sixth the light level required for human vision. How badass is that?!
10. They are hilarious. Everyone has seen those videos on YouTube featuring cat’s being ridiculously hilarious. They are bigger [and smarter] celebrities than half of the people on the Internet.
If you don’t own a cat, go get one. Or two. Or watch this video of my cats cleaning each other.