school daze

While everyone is settling back into school for the winter semester, I thought I’d take this opportunity to discuss the different types of teachers we all encounter at least once during our academic lives.

The Teacher Who Just Wants To Be Your Friend

Look out!  It’s your buddy in teacher’s clothing!  This teacher will make terrible jokes that they think are on your level and will let demerits slide in order to keep his students on his side.  “Oh, you came to class drunk?  No problem, everybody makes mistakes!”

The Authoritarian

If you’re the type of student known for causing trouble, prepare for a shit storm to come your way.  Students of these teachers tend to focus more on staying out of trouble than actual learning.  They also like to spend most of their class time making up nicknames for this teacher.  If your last name rhymes with a swear word, you might not want to become this type of teacher.  (I’m looking at you, Mr. Mickhead).

The Teacher Who Gives Zero F*cks

He’s late to class, he loses assignments, and he teaches his English class the Pythagorean theorem…twice.  Due to the fact that this teacher’s classes consist of no homework and minimal in-class work, students generally like this type of teacher.  At least until exam time.

The Monotone Teacher

Everything that comes out of this teacher’s mouth sounds like a recording from 1829.  It doesn’t matter if they’re discussing the use of proper nouns or notifying the class that the school is on fire, they always deliver the information like a zombie.  It’s quite possible that this teacher actually is a zombie who died 10 years ago but keeps showing up to class out of force of habit.

The Almost Retiree

It’s been said that with age comes wisdom.  Students of this teacher would beg to differ.  This teacher generally refuses to incorporate new aspects of education into his courses.  No, you can’t submit your report electronically – in his day everything had to be completed using a typewriter and if you needed to make copies, you typed the whole thing up twice.  Damn right he’s going to write all of his lessons on a chalkboard; why does this classroom even have a SmartBoard?  School is no place for Nintendo.

The Whacko

The jury’s still out on whether students enjoy this type of teacher.  They tend to sporadically change the volume at which they’re speaking for no apparent reason, lecture while standing on their desk, and skate around the classroom on rollerblades.