Wednesday, 17 December 2014

bah humbug

Everybody loves Christmas; even Scrooge gets into the Christmas spirit at the end of the book (or movie, for you non-readers).  That's not to say there aren't some things that suck about Christmas.

These are things that most people hate about Christmas, but wouldn't dare admit out loud.

Putting up indoor decorations is a whole production.  It involves hauling boxes, sorting, detangling, and cleaning the house before you can even start to put anything up.  Worse than putting up the decorations is the entire process of taking them down.  Somehow the decorations don't seem to fit back into the exact same boxes from which you pulled them out.  I don't understand physics, but that can't be right. But I'm super excited to decorate my house for Christmas, no doubt.  I just love it.

Visiting Relatives
Family is great - in very small, infrequent doses.  When you have family visit you at your place, you feel obligated to offer food on top of food and can't help trying to figure out when they're going to leave so you can get into your sweats and watch TV.  When you go out to visit your relatives at their place, you're being forced to eat, eat, eat, and you spend the whole time wondering how much longer you have to stay before you can go home, get into your sweats, and watch TV.  But if anyone asks, we love our family and we can't wait to see them over the holidays, so shut it. 

Kids don't understand things.  They constantly cry for no reason; they're dirty; they require constant attention; and they still have an overall sense of wonder about the world.  The Christmas season does a really good job of bringing all of these things together.  If a child doesn't get what he/she wants during the holidays, get the fuck out of the way because there's a shit storm coming.  But nothing says Christmas spirit like the light in a child's eyes on Christmas morning.  Right before the tantrums happen.

 Office Parties
I'm already sick of seeing these people for eight hours, five days a week - I'm not stoked about having to see them in my free time, too.  The combination of copious amounts of alcohol and small talk with your superiors is just a recipe for disaster (and inappropriate ass grabbing).  If you skip the obligatory office Christmas party, you're a Grinch.  I mean, come on; this party is for the employees to thank us for all of our hard work and dedication throughout the year.  Nope, no bonuses this year, but here's a piece of dry cheesecake and the opportunity to make awkward chit chat with people you would otherwise avoid.  But yes, of course we're going to the office party!  We wouldn't miss it!

Terrible Presents 
The good thing about receiving a shitty present is that you get a crash course in acting when you have to pretend you like it.  Then you realize that this gift-receiving opportunity was a total waste and now you have to think of someone you hate enough to whom you can regift this thing.  I'm just joking, Grandma.  I loved the present.  Like most people in their thirties, I really needed a colouring book.

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