I attended my first Ice Caps game last night. Before that, I hadn't been to a hockey game since we had the St. John's Maple Leafs. What the hell, right?
All in all, the game was fun; it was a bit of a nail biter and damn do I love me some Buddy the Puffin.
Of course, my experience did not come without an interesting variety of fans.
1. The hacking, coughing, wheezing guy
If you have a cold, stay home, I'm sure your tickets won't go to waste. Or at the very least, bring some water and a cough drop. I do not appreciate having to comb your snot and spit out of my hair.
2. The "SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT!" guy
I'm quite confident that the players on the ice know the object of the game. I also highly doubt that they can hear what you're saying to them.
3. The concession stand hero
This donkey gets up at least four or five times in the run of just one period. He squeezes past everyone in the row so that he can go get some popcorn. Then a hot dog. Then some nachos. Then a beer. Then some cotton candy? Why not.
I love child sport fans; I think they're super cute, and I'm all for enthusiasm. I have no problem with you trying to get the crowd to chant with you. However, when it's the fourth time you've starting chanting "GO CAPS, GO!" and still, nobody has joined in, give it a rest.
5. The women who stands in the aisle to talk to her coworker
Missus, I'm trying to get to my seat and you're standing on the steps chatting about how long it took you the mop the floors today? You're thirty seconds away from getting drop kicked.
6. The oblivious girlfriend who won't stop asking questions
I don't know a whole lot about hockey, so I do ask a few questions. You know, "why did he just blow the whistle?", "what determines when someone gets a penalty shot?", stuff like that. What annoys me is: "why did he do that?", "what just happened?", "what are they doing now?" Well missus, I got a question for you: WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?
7. The drunk
Pretty self explanatory. Too many beers. Gets a little rowdy. Starts shouting at people about cats. And peanut butter. Whatever.
8. The shit disturber
This angel wears the other team's jersey, cheers for the other team, and boos when the home team scores a goal. Kid's gonna get his ass kicked one of these days.
9. The fashionista
T-shirts and jeans aren't good enough for this diva. She comes to the game in her little black dress and her sealskin boots. I don't know why this bothers me so much. It just does.
10. The whistler
There cannot be a more annoying sound in the universe. Especially the fingers-in-mouth whistle. It's worse than nails on a chalkboard. Just clap like a normal person.