Saturday, 20 December 2014

party (not so) hard

Office Christmas parties can be a good time.  There's food, drinks, and music; what's not to love?  Aside from the fact that you have to party with the people you work with, I guess.  But they're not all bad.  Right?

These are the types of people that you're bound to meet at every office Christmas party.

The PDA Couple
At every party there's a couple who, after a few too many drinks, start putting on a ridiculously awkward public display of affection.  But at a work function, the level of awkwardness is amped up by a couple of thousands.  Especially when it's between two co-workers that you know are going to regret it the next morning. 

The One Who Won't Stop Talking About Work
"So, then he asked me why I made single-sided copies instead of double-sided copies and I said, 'Well, you didn't ask me to make double-sided copies.'  Can you believe that?!"  Oh my gosh, no way.  Do you have time to tell that story again?!  I'm so glad you grabbed me off the dance floor to tell me that riveting story.  Don't sell the movie rights until you talk to me first!

The Inappropriately Dressed Coworker
Christmas parties are a chance to get all dolled up and have a fancy night with fancy food and fancy people.  But let's not forget that you still have to work with these people.  The last image they want in their minds when they see you at work on Monday is your boobs and ass, so let's keep those suckers tucked away just for tonight.

The Old Retired Guy Who Tries to Dance With All the Ladies
I have no problem dancing with anybody who asks, especially if I have a few drinks in me.  I'll even save ya two dances, if you want!  But when you start using drink tickets to bribe me into dancing with you a third and fourth time, there's gotta be something wrong with you.  Not saying it won't work, just saying you must have a screw loose.

The Dirty Dancer
There's nothing wrong with being an energetic dancer.  Everyone likes to see others having fun.  The fun stops, however, when someone starts grinding on the HR Manager.  Even though we know that this may in fact lead to the demise of their career, we wouldn't dare intervene - it's way too hilarious.

The One Who Gets Too Handsy
Once they've had a few too many drinks, nothing is off limits.  They start hugging whoever's around, kissing everyone on the cheek, and playing some people's butts like a set of bongos.  I'm not going to lie, sometimes this person is me. 

The Plus One
There's nothing worse than agreeing to go stag to the office party and then someone decides to bring their spouse at the last minute.  You then have a decision to make: whether to keep light on the drinking so you don't make a terrible, sloppy first impression or to just say shag it and go nuts anyway.. Me?  I'd just say shag it and go nuts anyway.  You know I would.

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