Friday, 12 December 2014

winter blues

Winter is terrible.  Unfortunately for us Canadians, winter takes up almost half of our year.  It’s essentially November to March.  Sometimes we get snow in October and then again in April. It’s. The. Worst.  In case you forgot why winter is so awful, I’m here to remind you.

Shoveling.  Then shoveling again.

Yea, I know it’s exercise, but it’s exercise that I don’t want.  Not that I want any kind of exercise… I’m lazy.  Snow is so heavy.  And cold.  You get all bundled up to go shoveling, then you get too warm because it’s actual work so then you gotta unpeel your layers.  Then your shovel hits a chunk of ice and the handle jabs you right in the gut.  Then the plow comes down your road and you get to do it all over it.  It’s so happy.

People Forget How to Drive

It’s not enough to get snow tires on your car; you actually have to use common sense when driving in the winter.  My dad always used to say, “I don’t know why it’s called ‘common sense’ because it’s not very common.”  B’ys still speed across the parkway when it’s snow laden, end up fishtailing and/or getting in an accident, then get pissed off because “the roads aren’t plowed well enough.”  You wanna yell at someone?  Go find Mother Nature.  I’d bet she’d bitchslap ya.

It’s Dark

In the winter you go to work in the dark and you come home in the dark.  It’s depressing.  I don’t like fish; I rely on the sun to give me my Vitamin D. 

It’s Cold

Who likes being cold?!  No one, it sucks!

Salt Stains

Every year, without fail, when I buy a new pair of [cute] winter boots, within the first week they’re covered in salt stains.  Then I gotta use a toothbrush dipped in vinegar and water to clean the salt stains.  Then my boots smell like fish and chips for the rest of the season.

Having to Dress in Multiple Layers

Getting bundled up to go out in winter is a lot of work.  Coats, sweaters, mittens, hats, scarves, etc.  By the time you get where you’re going, you’re sweatin’ up a storm and your hair is matted to your head.  It’s really a stylish look.  I just love it.

Dry, Itchy Skin

Every year at the start of the season I’m convinced I have fleas.  My skin gets so itchy, it’s almost unbearable.  I’ve often contemplated picking up a flea collar at PetSmart.  I might get some weird looks…

No More Dresses

I love my dresses; I wear dresses all the time, but they’re not super winter friendly.  I could pair them with leggings, but leggings aren’t known to be very warm.  So in the winter I’m stuck to my jeans and tees.  The poor people around me are deprived of my bright, quirky style in the winter, it’s really a shame.

Having to Leave Your Warm Bed/Shower

THIS IS THE WORST.  I can’t count how many times I’ve been late for work this week because I didn’t want to leave the warm air pockets of my bed (I hope my boss isn’t reading this).  Waking up for work is already on my list of least favourite things, having to do it in the winter just bumps it up to the top of that list.


Aside from snow a
nd Christmas carols, winter also brings with it many colds and flus.  Who doesn’t love all that snottin’ and sneezin’ and listening to other people suck back phlegm?  It’s my favourite part of the holidays.

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