Monday, 15 December 2014

crappy holidays

Spirits are generally high around the holidays.  Everyone's in a good mood, love is flowing out of every orifice, it's a good time.  Given all that, you know there's gonna be those people who just have to piss all over that joy.

These are those people. 

The Person Who Dresses Up Their Pet
I'm so not on board with the whole "fur babies" phenomenon.  I'm all about loving your pets, I just had to give away my cat and I cried to break my heart, but I'm still aware that my cat was not my child.  In my opinion, dressing your animal up in a Christmas sweater makes you seem like a nutter butter.  Your dog is already cute enough (and warm enough) without having to wear an itchy, confining dog-sized straight jacket.

The Person Who Puts Up Their Tree in November
Christmas is exciting, I get that, but the first day of Christmas isn't actually until December 25, meaning the 12 Days of Christmas run from December 25 to January 5.  So, you'll imagine my confusion when someone has their tree up and decorated the first week of November and by January 2nd it's face down in their driveway ready to be hauled to the dump.  The same goes for Christmas music - when I walk into a shopping mall on November 1st and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" is blaring over the speakers, it makes me want to boycott Christmas.

The Person Who Hates Secular Christmas
I am not one to bash anybody's religion; I think people should be able to practice whatever religion they like - just don't shove it in my face.  If you put up a life-sized nativity scene on your front lawn, that's super.  It really doesn't make a difference to me.  But if I decide to put a star on the top of my Christmas tree instead of an angel, please do not scoff at my decision.  I know you have your own definition of what you believe is the true meaning of Christmas, but I do not need a lecture.  For the record, historians have been speculating for years that Jesus was actually born in the spring. WHAT NOW?!

The Person Who Gets a Gift for Everyone
It's awesome to know someone who wants to spread the Christmas spirit to everyone they know, but we all work with that one person who goes out and buys everyone in the office a $2 Christmas ornament forcing us to dart out to the mall and pick something up for them before they go on holidays so we don't spend the entire Christmas vacation feeling like an asshole.

The Person Who Never Chips in on Gifts
When there's a collection going around to get a gift for your boss/secretary/whomever, there's always that person who doesn't contribute because he/she decided to get their own gift for this person.  Why?  Who knows.  Maybe so that they'll stand out in that person's mind as the only one who got them a personal gift.  Maybe because they think that person will appreciate a marked-down box of Pot of Gold more than their contribution of $10 to round a gift card up to an even $100.  Either way, get a life.

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